So,what’s it like to finally being YOU??
I must’ve wondered a million times about this,I couldn’t let her out and be her(Jen) as I am from a relatively conservative family,instead i gave my all to my studies,result-I did good in study,i am a doctor at 25,at least i have hopes for a good positive future!!
Now that I have chosen to go ahead and being Jen,I feel empowered..
I dunno what lies in the future,it’s like knowing you are on a treasure hunt,arena surrounding you is absolutely foggy,you cant see at a distance more than 5 feets far,yet you see signs that you’re on the right track!!You FEEL it and keep on going!!Its awesome and fearsome at the same time!!I’m happy about me going for M2F and wouldn’t worry/obsess over the future!
In my today’s blog post I want to discuss my transition in past 20 days!!I began living as Jen on 21 November..At first,in the week 1,it was unreal,,unbelievable!I couldn’t stop looking at my mirror,and this was so not me!!I used to hate the mirror!!Thats what happens when you are born into a wrong body,a girl in a male(ugh!) body!!You don’t want to see THAT,like ever!!
That changed!I spent hours looking at the NEW yet THE ORIGINAL me!!Styling my hair(wig) applying my newly acquired lip gloss!I luved it all!!
I took hundreds of my photos!!Now this is shocking for some1 who knew the (ugh!!) old me!!As I have just 8 photos taken of me in last 7 years!!But my self-perception has drastically changed!!For much better!!
I do believe this is very important from self-esteem perspective,i mean I have read in my psych text books that some 80-90%(yes,me too,at some low points of my life,2 times)have suicidal thoughts as we are just unable to fight this disgusting feeling we get living in a wrong body!!The fault too lies like 90-10%,I blame the society 90% for this low self esteem as the society doesn’t allow us to be ourselves and mortifies us if we do!!10% I guess lies within that LGBT person,how you want a ‘way out’??You can go on being ””Normal” and unhappy or be YOU and happy yet you have to take a lot of flake!But there’s not much you can do!
My planning is a long term one,this is my phase 1-totally psychological phase,I just live as Jen,talk like her,think like her!!Be her!!
Phase 2 will be psychological therapy sessions,then hormones,followed by electrolysis(the hardest part) and FINALLY a series of surgeries!!
One other thing I observed during this time period living as Jen is disassociation from my old identity..The guy id!!Its like long gone!!I am not out in the public yet,I almost sent an E-mail ending in my signature being Jen(lol!!)..I don’t go to my old fb page that often as well!!Its so new!As I am on my fb all the time!!But now as Jen only!!As this is the Real me!!
Thank you!It was fun writing this post!!
Friend me here on my fb-
This was a hot captivating book!I enjoyed reading it soo much and hated the idea of sleeping before reading the whole book,so I did not sleep!I read the whole book in one sitting!
The story begins with stunning beautiful heroine’s arrival and abduction at the French railway station and she is taken to a warehouse.and the ride begins!Our super beautiful Mensa genius heroine,Clare,absolutely classy and unbelievably beautiful and vulnerable, is captured by this almost psychotic abductor who then proceeds to take her on a rousing journey of pain,humiliation and SHEER PLEASURE!As she goes through this unbelievably intense yet erotic series of lashings and tortures and elaborated machines,beautiful(as she is refereed to in the story which I really luved!)pleads with her abductor to stop and let her go,only to get more punishment..You have to read the book to get the idea as I am not able to describe it here(my knees and elbow-tips are ticklish now and I’m kinda trembling as I type this review!You get the picture??Right,yes this book is THAT good!)
I admire the book for its intense plot,a pure psychological genius!!Reading this book was like watching a psychological thriller/horror erotic movie,like a super-erotic version of the movie ‘Saw’ with a much better and most importantly,A FEMALE villain!!Plot is definitely a strong suit of the book and so is the character development!!It is hard to develop a story when you have just 2 characters to work around and that’s why this book is brilliant!!I luved both of the characters of the story!!I cried as the ‘Dancer’/”the beautiful'(Claire) endured sufferings,and I loved to hate our villain,the abductor,who is also a female,a super-strong and seemingly very cruel torturer who is so good at what she does and is very proud of it(rightfully so).Both characters are intense,equally captivating and I especially luved the ending of the book!!I was already sold to the book beforehand but the surprise twist at the end of the book really made me write this review right away!!I am a big fan of psychology in storyline and this book is a great psychological masterpiece apart from being an excellent read in erotica!Instead of being a gooey-Vanilla type story or a series of sexual encounters with no substantial storyline,this story ‘WWW’ as I call it takes you to a land so inhibited that it seems almost unreal,surreal!!And the ending of the book is truly a show stopper!!
This book makes a very good read when you are all alone in your room,comfy and willing to let go of your inhibitions and are ready for a wild ride in erotic dreamworld!!Any one who loves strong female character(s) led stories,lesbian theme and erotica in general is bound to love this book!Just be cozy in your bed,no worries for time,pour yourself a glass of wine and let yourself go in to this wild-ride of a book,but be warned:You are not going to be able to put the book down so you better not have job/assignment/school the next morn as you’d be too excited to sleep that night after reading the book,a fascinating story of BDSM,Bondage and dark fantasies!!
Jane Brooke author page-
This book just took my breath away!!It has two themes basically,which are intertwined brilliantly!The novel has elements of truth in it..And seems very plausible,very very real..I kinda find it hard to categorize this book as a novel themed on LGBT/Lesbian genera or as a historical fictional!!I’d say,the book belongs to both of these categories EQUALLY!!Which makes this book a masterpiece..It is very rare to find a lesbian themed book which is not erotica and NOT just a graphic description(s) of a series of sexual scenes..It is very tastefully written and the other pro-Israel/spy/Mossad theme steals the show!!
The danger Iraq’s Osirak nuke plant created for Israel was very real,Saddam Hussein WAS brutal enough to use chem weapons/poisonous gases on Iraq’s own people as we saw,Israel did herself and our world a big big favor by taking out his nukes…And the whole story is written on this backdrop..Israel has saved millions of lives by taking out Osirak..And the novel based on this real incident,shows much of how various state spy agencies interact,or at least interacted during that time..And shows us the complexities of their relations..
The other interesting aspect of the book was the dilemma lesbian agents have to face while working for these agencies.My heart was broken for Nikki Sinclair,the main character of the book as she has to sleep with men to gain intelligence.She is a strong willed character and she is very REAL in a sense,she is vulnerable,not invincible,and that makes you root for her!Her ordeal is heartbreaking,but her will to prevail is very strong,as she goes through her services as an agent for the UK(Britain),she experiences everlasting love form a fellow Israeli spy Dvora only to get her heart broken again and again,just to bounce back!!She’s NOT a female Matrix!She is very real and the reader can relate to that..Identify with her..I like that part the most!!
I am pro-Israel myself,very much actually but the novel has much broader appeal than just to pro-Israel crowd!!It is action packed and intense yet at the same time very sensual,and romantic..I would recommend the book regardless of your stance on Israel..If you’re pro-Israel,I guarantee you that you’ll luv the book as much as I did!This book is very versatile in its likely appeal to various audiences,pro-Israel,LGBT,Lesbian readers,Bleeding heart feminists(that would be me!!),lesbian feminists..a straight reader who loves historical fiction,fans of Middle Eastern conflict stories,a straight person window shopping on LGBT lifestyle.A straight gal curious about Bi/LGBT,A straight man who wants to dabble in lesbian world(No,You’re not going to get’em,it doesnt work that way!!Hormones at 6-8 weeks of age,baby!This is as good as you are going to get in our subculture,deal with it!)This book is for EVERYBODY!!So I would suggest you give this book a shot!
If you are a fan of a strong female lead character,you’re in for a treat!!You get two of them!!As both Nikki and Dvora are very strong willed women,and their romance is incredible..I was soo eager to see them together thr-ought the book!!And I luved it so much when they are together!The story has a number of strong female characters!And a real treat for feminists who like this type of story!!I could not put the book down!!I read it under 2 days!!And when battery of my laptop died down,I traveled 3 hours to go back home early to continue reading!!I love both these genres,Lesbian and pro-Israel spy/Mossad type of stories and this is the best of both of these worlds!!
I’d luv to write in more detail about the plot but I won’t as I dont want to give away spoilers!!But in a nutshell,this story depicts life of Nikki Sinclair,a lesbian agent for the Brits,who falls in eternal love with Israeli Mossad agent Dvora,their time together,the ordeals Nikki had to face,her being a lesbian and having to sleep with bearded sweaty men(Ugh!)to gain intel,her stubborn chiefs,she has to endure two brutal rapes which totally broke my heart and it just made me want to go there and protect her!The rape scenes in the story are brutal and sinister but they contribute to the story a lot and make Nikki a more powerful character..Her encounters with Dvora are intense and super-sensual and I luved reading every word describing them!!The ending kinda surprised me and was kinda unexpected..
I really really enjoyed reading the book,I couldn’t think of anything else till I was done with the book for two days!!It was a surreal experience on my part,for this book captured my attention with such interest!!I really like stories with a strong female lead,and this was a gem of a story for me!!Pro-Israel storyline really did the magic!!And cpatured my heart!!This book is gold and I’d suggest you just go for it!!You’d be happy that you did!
Amazon link to the book-
Goodreads link to the book-The Hell of Osirak
Hi all!!Thanks for taking time off your busy lives and reading this..I am starting this blog to document my journey to the new-right me!!I feel fascinated about it,fantastic too!I have a medical background educationally and I want to tell my tale from all the perspectives I can have,a doctor,a student,a commentator,a mental health sciences enthusiast and simply ME,a girl in a boy’s body,finally on her way to be herself!I do think it could be a good tale to tell!!I hope so!!
I have always been a big fan of mental health sciences,I want a career in it,now some might think how can some one who has ‘issues’ be an authority on this subject??The question is valid only if you are one of those who believe that we,LGBT are abominations or something on that line!True,that many of us need mental health assistance,but its not a disease unless our being LGBT makes our daily lives dysfunctional!!Ie the problem lies in the society surrounding YOU(LGBT person) AND how that person reacts to the society!!It is certainly a two street,my point being,if you live in a society where you don’t get stoned(ME countries/African countries) or shamefully segregated(India/South Asia)..Ie ,if you are in the west,you have a good shot at your life as LGBT(the west other than some Red states)..
I do believe that this fear of LGBT,homophobia has its root in 2 factors..(1)Fear that such a couple would be unable to procreate,true to an extent,though with IVF and sciences this has changed for good,but I believe this is the cause why you see anti-Homosexuality sentiments in various religious books,as they were written in times when the world simply needed more people,and homosexuality would have derailed this motto,I am not justifying this expressed holy Homophobia,I am just trying to think logically about it!!(2)The society might have fear that such a person would be dysfunctional and wouldn’t contribute enough to it,now this is society’s own doing in most parts as they hate us,LGBT,and rejection leads to low self esteem leads to depression,add this to the misery of the feeling of being born in a wrong body and its hard to remain productive and functional..remedy for this in today’s ages-Just be hyper-functional/workaholic,undo this fear..The more successful you are in your career,the more you will be accepted!!
I am just putting my thoughts out there,I hope to write much more as the time passes and I make progress in my quest!!You’re most welcome in this journey!Thanks for your 10 minutes!!