So,what’s it like to finally being YOU??
I must’ve wondered a million times about this,I couldn’t let her out and be her(Jen) as I am from a relatively conservative family,instead i gave my all to my studies,result-I did good in study,i am a doctor at 25,at least i have hopes for a good positive future!!
Now that I have chosen to go ahead and being Jen,I feel empowered..
I dunno what lies in the future,it’s like knowing you are on a treasure hunt,arena surrounding you is absolutely foggy,you cant see at a distance more than 5 feets far,yet you see signs that you’re on the right track!!You FEEL it and keep on going!!Its awesome and fearsome at the same time!!I’m happy about me going for M2F and wouldn’t worry/obsess over the future!
In my today’s blog post I want to discuss my transition in past 20 days!!I began living as Jen on 21 November..At first,in the week 1,it was unreal,,unbelievable!I couldn’t stop looking at my mirror,and this was so not me!!I used to hate the mirror!!Thats what happens when you are born into a wrong body,a girl in a male(ugh!) body!!You don’t want to see THAT,like ever!!
That changed!I spent hours looking at the NEW yet THE ORIGINAL me!!Styling my hair(wig) applying my newly acquired lip gloss!I luved it all!!
I took hundreds of my photos!!Now this is shocking for some1 who knew the (ugh!!) old me!!As I have just 8 photos taken of me in last 7 years!!But my self-perception has drastically changed!!For much better!!
I do believe this is very important from self-esteem perspective,i mean I have read in my psych text books that some 80-90%(yes,me too,at some low points of my life,2 times)have suicidal thoughts as we are just unable to fight this disgusting feeling we get living in a wrong body!!The fault too lies like 90-10%,I blame the society 90% for this low self esteem as the society doesn’t allow us to be ourselves and mortifies us if we do!!10% I guess lies within that LGBT person,how you want a ‘way out’??You can go on being ””Normal” and unhappy or be YOU and happy yet you have to take a lot of flake!But there’s not much you can do!
My planning is a long term one,this is my phase 1-totally psychological phase,I just live as Jen,talk like her,think like her!!Be her!!
Phase 2 will be psychological therapy sessions,then hormones,followed by electrolysis(the hardest part) and FINALLY a series of surgeries!!
One other thing I observed during this time period living as Jen is disassociation from my old identity..The guy id!!Its like long gone!!I am not out in the public yet,I almost sent an E-mail ending in my signature being Jen(lol!!)..I don’t go to my old fb page that often as well!!Its so new!As I am on my fb all the time!!But now as Jen only!!As this is the Real me!!
Thank you!It was fun writing this post!!
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